Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box
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- Create Date：2021-06-15 09:55:16
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：The Arbinger Institute
- ISBN：1523097809
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Summary
Since its original publication in 2000， Leadership and Self-Deception has become a word-of-mouth phenomenon。 Its sales continue to increase year after year， and the book's popularity has gone global， with editions now available in over twenty languages。
Leadership and Self-Deception shows how the problems that typically prevent superior performance in organizations and cause conflicts in our personal lives are the result of a little-known problem called self-deception。 People who are in self-deception live and work as if trapped in a box。 They can't see the reality around them--they're blind to the self-serving motivations that are sabotaging them on the job and at home。 But there is a way out。 Through an entertaining and engaging story， Leadership and Self-Deception shows what self-deception is， how it operates， the damage it does， and， most importantly， what can be done about it。This third edition includes new research about the self-deception gap in organizations and the keys to closing this gap so that people take responsibility for their own problems and for organizational problems。 It also includes the first chapter from Arbinger's latest bestseller， The Outward Mindset。
Leadership and Self-Deception shows how the problems that typically prevent superior performance in organizations and cause conflicts in our personal lives are the result of a little-known problem called self-deception。 People who are in self-deception live and work as if trapped in a box。 They can't see the reality around them--they're blind to the self-serving motivations that are sabotaging them on the job and at home。 But there is a way out。 Through an entertaining and engaging story， Leadership and Self-Deception shows what self-deception is， how it operates， the damage it does， and， most importantly， what can be done about it。This third edition includes new research about the self-deception gap in organizations and the keys to closing this gap so that people take responsibility for their own problems and for organizational problems。 It also includes the first chapter from Arbinger's latest bestseller， The Outward Mindset。
Reviews
Kylee Bryan
，
Completely changed my perspective on conflict and relationships。 Highly recommend。
Kaumudi Gupta
，
3。7/5
Amanda
，
My favorite part of this one is that it provides the principles and information in the format of a story line， making it more relatable and easier to apply to your own life。I attended an Arbinger course at my prior job and I can’t express to you how much it helped me see my coworkers in a new light and function as a team more effectively。
Sanne
，
Reading non-fiction as a fictional story was quite new and took some getting used to。 It did work out quite well。Great content and ideas that don’t only apply to leadership， but to all interpersonal relationships。 I’ll definitely be rereading this soon to get a better grasp and understanding and allow for more reflecting on my personal situations。 I would recommend this to everyone; my coworkers， my partner and family， and the guy who cut me off in traffic this morning ;）
Jacob Fogg
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Get yourself or of the box！ Treat people like humans！
Sarah Hastings
，
Very much like the anatomy of peace， but still good to read and learn about the princples set in the workplace
Heidi
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I like how this book is set up， as a story。 It made it easier to read than a normal self-help type book。 It is a interesting concept that I think certainly will help。
Tom
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I am extremely skeptical of anything with "Leadership" in the title， but ignore that--this is really a book about self-deception。 Discusses how self-betrayal （I didn't do what I know is right） leads to self-justification （but it isn't my fault）， warped perception of the world （the system/family member/coworker is to blame）， the titular self-deception， objectifying others rather than relating to them as fellow humans， and ultimately poor outcomes in business and life。 And it talks about repentanc I am extremely skeptical of anything with "Leadership" in the title， but ignore that--this is really a book about self-deception。 Discusses how self-betrayal （I didn't do what I know is right） leads to self-justification （but it isn't my fault）， warped perception of the world （the system/family member/coworker is to blame）， the titular self-deception， objectifying others rather than relating to them as fellow humans， and ultimately poor outcomes in business and life。 And it talks about repentance， by changing your viewpoint to focus on how you are at fault， taking responsibility for that， and getting back to relating to others as possessors of a divine nature。 The ethical theory here is reminiscent of Stoic philosophy， Tolstoy， Solzhenitsyn， Victor Frankl， the gospels， etc。 etc。 but the book does a good job of laying it out and reminding you of it。 Avoiding self-deception helps one be a good person， and therefore automatically a good leader， which lines up with my personal theory of leadership as a sort of consequence of who you are vs。 a set of hacks that one could learn from a book。 。。。more
Beth Glicker
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My daughter brought this home from college; it was a required reading for a leadership course。 My takeaway is that business people need to be reminded not to treat others like objects。 It's not that there isn't some useful info here， but it's simplistic and told in an annoying format。 My daughter brought this home from college; it was a required reading for a leadership course。 My takeaway is that business people need to be reminded not to treat others like objects。 It's not that there isn't some useful info here， but it's simplistic and told in an annoying format。 。。。more
Jerod Starkey
，
Excellent explanation of selflessness and thinking of others in the workplace。 Defines being "in the box" and "out of the box" and how we betray ourselves when we focus on our own justification rather than helping others。Definitely a way biblical principles can affect a business' bottom line or any organization's effectiveness。 Excellent explanation of selflessness and thinking of others in the workplace。 Defines being "in the box" and "out of the box" and how we betray ourselves when we focus on our own justification rather than helping others。Definitely a way biblical principles can affect a business' bottom line or any organization's effectiveness。 。。。more
Allison
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Good principles， good ideas。 Kind of reminded me of "Who Moved My Cheese？" Ultimately it is teaching that our interactions with others and how we see them is a reflection on how we see ourselves。 It describes self betrayal as an act contrary to what I feel I should do for another。。。like when you feel that you should extend some service or kindness but fail to do so。 Not doing it makes me feel mad and mistakenly directs those hard feelings to whoever it was I was initially were thinking to help。 Good principles， good ideas。 Kind of reminded me of "Who Moved My Cheese？" Ultimately it is teaching that our interactions with others and how we see them is a reflection on how we see ourselves。 It describes self betrayal as an act contrary to what I feel I should do for another。。。like when you feel that you should extend some service or kindness but fail to do so。 Not doing it makes me feel mad and mistakenly directs those hard feelings to whoever it was I was initially were thinking to help。 Again， good principles。 Might be a good book to read if you are feeling the world is out to get you， as long as you don't feel offended by the suggestions。 :） 。。。more
Matthew Lewis
，
I highly recommend everyone read this book just in general and it does contain a framework on how to address culture change to build a more trusting and open work culture。 It is less of a step-by-step guide and requires a willingness on the part of the leadership team to look at themselves as a way of driving change。
Kalli
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One of those leadership books that uses a story to make its point。 Unlike other books of this type， this one only tells the story。。。 there’s no summation of key points or lessons to consider。 As for the story， the main character is unbelievably obtuse for someone who is supposed to be a senior leader in the organization。 I’m sure it’s a deliberate caricature of a leader so that key lessons can be presented， but it’s maddeningly repetitive for the reader。 This felt like a short story that was str One of those leadership books that uses a story to make its point。 Unlike other books of this type， this one only tells the story。。。 there’s no summation of key points or lessons to consider。 As for the story， the main character is unbelievably obtuse for someone who is supposed to be a senior leader in the organization。 I’m sure it’s a deliberate caricature of a leader so that key lessons can be presented， but it’s maddeningly repetitive for the reader。 This felt like a short story that was stretched out to be a book。 。。。more
Jeff Brimhall
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Audio Book: Good book。 Interesting model。 Written by BYU professor。
Jackson Switzer
，
This book contains many of the same ideas as "The Anatomy of Peace，" but I enjoyed that one more， probably because the content was new and mind-opening the first time。 However， the subject matter is so important and life-changing that I would recommend reading both， perhaps with a month between them， to make sure it really sinks in。 This book contains many of the same ideas as "The Anatomy of Peace，" but I enjoyed that one more， probably because the content was new and mind-opening the first time。 However， the subject matter is so important and life-changing that I would recommend reading both， perhaps with a month between them， to make sure it really sinks in。 。。。more
Olivia
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Good lesson and really made me thing and self reflect。 But the way it's written （heavy talking back and forth） made the middle of this book hard to get through。 Good lesson and really made me thing and self reflect。 But the way it's written （heavy talking back and forth） made the middle of this book hard to get through。 。。。more
Angela
，
Incredible！！！！ Man this was timely and valuable and a game changer。 Both in personal relationships and my counseling work。 I can't wait to reread and pick up even more life changing guidance。 Incredible！！！！ Man this was timely and valuable and a game changer。 Both in personal relationships and my counseling work。 I can't wait to reread and pick up even more life changing guidance。 。。。more
Valerie Henderson
，
The concept of "in the box"/"inward mindset" （due to self-betrayal） just doesn't stick for me like the above/below the line concept presented in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success （by Jim Dethmer， Diana Chapman， and Kaley Klemp）。 Additionally， the "in the box" concept is presented via a poorly written "story" with characters engaging in cringe-worthy and unrealistic conversations。 Hoping the Outward Mindset books are better？ The concept of "in the box"/"inward mindset" （due to self-betrayal） just doesn't stick for me like the above/below the line concept presented in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success （by Jim Dethmer， Diana Chapman， and Kaley Klemp）。 Additionally， the "in the box" concept is presented via a poorly written "story" with characters engaging in cringe-worthy and unrealistic conversations。 Hoping the Outward Mindset books are better？ 。。。more
Taryn
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Rounded up from 3。5。 Great principles， though I found the telling in the book a bit contrived。 Still think it’s worth reading as it’s a great demonstration of ways to be a better leader and person
Chris
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Self betrayal leads to self-deception and “the box”When you are in the box， you cannot focus on the resultsYour influence and success will depend on being out of the boxYou get out of the box as you cease resisting other peopleDon’t try to be perfect。 Do try to be betterDon’t use the vocabulary “the box” and so on – with people who don’t already know it。 Do use the principles in your own lifeDon’t look for others’ boxes。 Do look for your ownDon’t accuse others of being in the box。 Do try to stay Self betrayal leads to self-deception and “the box”When you are in the box， you cannot focus on the resultsYour influence and success will depend on being out of the boxYou get out of the box as you cease resisting other peopleDon’t try to be perfect。 Do try to be betterDon’t use the vocabulary “the box” and so on – with people who don’t already know it。 Do use the principles in your own lifeDon’t look for others’ boxes。 Do look for your ownDon’t accuse others of being in the box。 Do try to stay out of the box yourselfDon’t give up on yourself when you discover you have been in the box。 Do keep tryingDon’t deny that you have been in the box when you have been。 Do apologise， then just keep marching forward， trying to be more helpful in the future。Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong。 Do focus on what you can do right to helpDon’t worry whether others are helping you。 Do worry whether you are helping others。I’M OUT OF THE BOX 。。。more
Kelly
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Much of my management style has been learning from my own experience as a direct report on what NOT to do。 As that can only get you so far， I’ve been doing more research and reading on leadership， management and development。 This book was recommended to me by several coworkers and it lived up to the hype！ I loved the style of the book， written as if you’re in the conference room right along with them。 I work in a male-dominated industry， and it was eye-opening to hear this “in the box” “out of t Much of my management style has been learning from my own experience as a direct report on what NOT to do。 As that can only get you so far， I’ve been doing more research and reading on leadership， management and development。 This book was recommended to me by several coworkers and it lived up to the hype！ I loved the style of the book， written as if you’re in the conference room right along with them。 I work in a male-dominated industry， and it was eye-opening to hear this “in the box” “out of the box” behavior， as it was a true light bulb moment and explained so much。 If you’re in a leadership position or looking to do so someday， I highly recommend this book！ 。。。more
Karah Jones
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I thought this book was dumb at first。 Thinking “I’m never is this so called box， my culture at work is GREAT！” Then I had an experience where I found myself judging a stranger for being a little rude to a friend of mine。 I thought， “she should not have just said that， how rude！” And then I realized I was in fact in the box and I was viewing this stranger and an object and not a person。 I had no idea what this stranger had been through。 For me， that story is enough to recommend you read this boo I thought this book was dumb at first。 Thinking “I’m never is this so called box， my culture at work is GREAT！” Then I had an experience where I found myself judging a stranger for being a little rude to a friend of mine。 I thought， “she should not have just said that， how rude！” And then I realized I was in fact in the box and I was viewing this stranger and an object and not a person。 I had no idea what this stranger had been through。 For me， that story is enough to recommend you read this book。 I think we can all learn from it。 。。。more
Chris
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Short pleasant read。
Chotpipat Pokinjindanon
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หนังสือเล่มนี้ เป็นหนังสือเล่มเล็ก อ่านง่าย อ่านจริงๆ 3-7 วันน่าจะจบเล่มได้เนื้อหา การเล่า เป็นการดำเนินเรื่องราวของชีวิตผู้บริหาร ที่ได้เข้าประชุม แล้วสรุปสิ่งที่พูดคุยในการประชุม และสรุปที่ได้นั้นออกมาเล่า ชอบมากตรงมีรูปภาพวาดประกอบ ที่เข้าไปกับเนื้อเรื่องที่ตัวละครกำลังพูด และมีสรุปเป็นข้อตามที่ตัวละครบอกอีก เป็นหนังสืออีกหนึ่งเล่ม ที่คิดว่าทุกคนควรจะต้องอ่าน เพราะบางทีเรามองว่า ต้นเหตุของทุกปัญหา เกิดจากคนอื่น แต่เราไม่เคยรู้เลย ว่าจริงๆแล้ว ปัญหานั้นเกิดจากตัวเราเอง ไม่ว่าจะเป็นปัญหาครอบครั หนังสือเล่มนี้ เป็นหนังสือเล่มเล็ก อ่านง่าย อ่านจริงๆ 3-7 วันน่าจะจบเล่มได้เนื้อหา การเล่า เป็นการดำเนินเรื่องราวของชีวิตผู้บริหาร ที่ได้เข้าประชุม แล้วสรุปสิ่งที่พูดคุยในการประชุม และสรุปที่ได้นั้นออกมาเล่า ชอบมากตรงมีรูปภาพวาดประกอบ ที่เข้าไปกับเนื้อเรื่องที่ตัวละครกำลังพูด และมีสรุปเป็นข้อตามที่ตัวละครบอกอีก เป็นหนังสืออีกหนึ่งเล่ม ที่คิดว่าทุกคนควรจะต้องอ่าน เพราะบางทีเรามองว่า ต้นเหตุของทุกปัญหา เกิดจากคนอื่น แต่เราไม่เคยรู้เลย ว่าจริงๆแล้ว ปัญหานั้นเกิดจากตัวเราเอง ไม่ว่าจะเป็นปัญหาครอบครัว ปัญหาเรื่องคนในที่ทำงาน หรือเรื่องอื่นๆของชีวิต ต้องบอกว่าหนังสือเล่มนี้ ช่วยเปิดมุมมองใหม่ และการทบทวนความคิดของเราเองได้ดีมาก เรามองปัญหาชัดเจนขึ้น รอบคอบมากขึ้น เราจะเตือนสติตัวเองอยู่เสมอ ว่าตอนนี้เราอยู่ในกล่องหรือนอกกล่อง * สาระสำคัญคือ เรามองคนอื่นเป็นคน หรือสิ่งของ ภายในหนังสือจะอธิบายเพิ่มเติม อาจจะไม่ลึกซึ้งมาก แต่ถ้าคิดตาม และทบทวน จะเข้าใจมากขึ้น ปล。 หัก 1 ดาว เพราะการเขียน บางทียังใช้คำซ้ำซ้อนบ้าง เป็นแค่จุดเล็กๆจุดเดียว เช่น （ "คุณคิดว่ายังไง" ผมพูด "。。。。。。。。。" ） แต่ก็ไม่ได้มีนัยยะสำคัญอะไร ส่วนตัวรู้สึกขัดๆเฉยๆ ไม่ได้มีผลกับเนื้อหาที่ได้ แล้วก็การแปล คำบางคำยังดูแบบขัดๆอยู่บ้าง แต่ก็ถือว่ามีน้อย อ่านแล้วยังเข้าใจความหมายได้ 90%+ให้ 5/5 คะแนน สำหรับเนื้อหา 。。。more
MH
，
I'm scared if i give this a low rating people are going to think I'm an $（@（$（&。 I agreed with the points， but i just didn't really find any of this revolutionary or new。 The point is: Don't be a jerk。 Don't victimize yourself or justify your bad behavior。 Be honest with yourself as much as possible。 Maybe some people need this point fed to them in book form to get it。 Personal comment: I don't understand why， after a person is subjected to unkind behavior， they turn around and repeat it。 I'm scared if i give this a low rating people are going to think I'm an $（@（$（&。 I agreed with the points， but i just didn't really find any of this revolutionary or new。 The point is: Don't be a jerk。 Don't victimize yourself or justify your bad behavior。 Be honest with yourself as much as possible。 Maybe some people need this point fed to them in book form to get it。 Personal comment: I don't understand why， after a person is subjected to unkind behavior， they turn around and repeat it。 。。。more
Erika
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Couldn't finish。 Too repetitive Couldn't finish。 Too repetitive 。。。more
Laura Tiessen
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Readable and thought-provoking。
Hoora
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کتاب ساده و کوتاهی که خودفریبی و پشت کردن به احساسات خود رو در دنیای کاری و غیر کاری شفاف نشون میده。。。 و البته بستگی داره چقدر ذهن آدم پذیرای شنیدن محتوای کتاب بدون پیش قضاوت باشه。البته متن کتاب اشکالات نگارشی خیلی زیادی داشت متاسفانه ولی محتوای کتاب جذاب و درگیر کننده بود
Henrik Lehtonen
，
# Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the BoxAuthor: The Arbinger InstituteType: AudiobookRating: 5/5 Short but great。## What stuckThe book discusses a natural human tendency/need for helping others。 When this need is ignored， a person is said to commit self-deception， leading to a new need to justify ones own behaviour and actions。 Justification is normally done through blame which then leads to "collusion" in the sense that blaming and justification are then present on both sides。Aft # Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the BoxAuthor: The Arbinger InstituteType: AudiobookRating: 5/5 Short but great。## What stuckThe book discusses a natural human tendency/need for helping others。 When this need is ignored， a person is said to commit self-deception， leading to a new need to justify ones own behaviour and actions。 Justification is normally done through blame which then leads to "collusion" in the sense that blaming and justification are then present on both sides。After having committed self-deception a person is said to be in the box。 When acting in accordance to the natural tendency of regarding others as humans with their own needs and wishes， a person is said to be out of the box。How to get out of the box: Question your own virtue。Copied the do's/dont's from https://anaulin。org/blog/book-notes-l。。。> don’t try to be perfect; do try to be better> don’t use the vocabulary with people who don’t already know it; do use the principles in your own life> don’t look for others' boxes; do look for your own> don’t accuse others of being in the box; do try to stay out of the box yourself> don’t give up on yourself when you discovered you’ve been in the box; do keep trying> don’t deny that you’ve been in the box when you’ve been; do apologize> don’t focus on what others are doing wrong; do focus on what you can do right to help> don’t worry whether others are helping you; do worry whether you are helping others 。。。more
Josh
，